A soundtrack I don't want

There have been a couple of songs that have played over speakers or in my head lately that are making a soundtrack to where we are at this point in life.

We got news that our daughter has cancer. She is 5 years old. She has curly brown hair. She is a fire cracker. She is the strongest willed person I know. We are hopeful she is going to beat this, and terrified of any other outcome. So terrified that I can't even say what that would be out loud.


When I drove her to the hospital for her first round of tests I had Color Blind by Counting Crows in my head. The beginning with the piano solo was on repeat. I've played it over and over when we were uncertain about her immediate and long term future. It wouldn't leave when I would go to the bathroom by my desk to cry so hard that no sound came out.

When I was grabbed into an embrace only a mother of 5 and grandmother of many more could give I heard Don't You Worry Bout a Thing by Stevie Wonder playing in our lobby. It was the first time I had a glimmer of faith that this will work out. I've prayed that God send me a burning bush with news. This was my first (that I saw clearly).

When I was scheduling her Oncology, Chemo, and other medical appointments Under Pressure by Queen and David Bowie was playing.

All fitting. I'm sure there will be more to come. They all need to be positive though. It's very true- being hopeful and positive get you through.

Over it?

This Summer marks out fifth year of living overseas, and our second year living in Dubai.  Our "just two years, and then we'll be back" hasn't worked out exactly how we thought it would.

I know the feels, Little Buddy.  I knows em'

I remember just moving to Cairo and meeting some fellow expats who were on their 5 year (and more) mark of living overseas.  They were over it.  I remember wondering how anyone could possible be tired of the excitement of living in a different country, the travel it enables, and the benefits an expat can possibly bring.
Welp, here I am 5 years later and I can say I'm over it.  My over it became clear in different occasions when visiting home.  Last Christmas I broke down in tears the night before we left, and didn't stop crying until we were back in Dubai for a couple of days.  I was sick of the stress of packing when you leave to return overseas.  All expats can relate to the mother load purchases you send to your home address in your home country (or wherever you send your stuff).  You do this because you either don't have access to the shops you love, or you do but they're incredibly marked up in price.  When we were in Egypt I didn't have access to brands I know and trust.  Gap, Gymboree and Carter's wasn't happening in our life.  In Dubai we have access to all the comfort brands, but it's going to cost you.  Some places have about at 40% mark up on clothing. So, all year round you watch sales and check promo codes.  You send your fellow expat friends texts like GAP IS HAVING A 50% OFF ALL NEW ITEMS! RUN! RUNNNN!!!!  Then you anxiously await the day you arrive and get to open the mountain of brown cardboard boxes waiting for you.  Gap- Oooh! I remember getting this- it was $5!  Amazon- I got Dragons Love Tacos, and it wasn't $30! J. Crew- Yessss!  The tunic I stalked till it went on clearance!  Smocked Auction- this wasn't on sale, whatevs, my girl will look super awesome in this smocked whale bubble.

Stuff like this makes your week.

So, you have all your purchases on top of what else you bought while home. Sometimes because you need it, and sometimes because it was there and you could purchase it.  A Frozen doll that's $10 and not $30?  Merry Christmas, 2017!  All these purchases have to come back with you in the 8 empty suitcases you brought with you.  This involves meticulous packing to maximize your space.  This involves starting to pack at least a week before you leave.  This involves weighing your suitcase, removing items, weighing again, and again, and again.  All this while your children are like "Moooommmmm! Don't pack Monopoly yet!  I want to play it!", and running around like loons because they see you doing something stressful, so they need to add more chaos to an already stressful situation.  Kids rule like that.  And, after two trips home per year, and all the stuff that comes back with us from that, and all the packing, and weighing, and stress of that- I was over it.  I broke down.  It was the first time in 5 years that I ever said out loud that I didn't want to leave the U.S. It was my turn to be over it.  I couldn't believe I was feeling that way, and it scared me.

Now, the trouble with being over it is it's not like you can snap your fingers and move home.  You're in your country of residence because of a job.  It would be great to say "Thanks all, but I'm moving back.  You're cool with that right?"

No. We are not cool with that. 

So, whaddahya gunna do? Just figure out the positives of living overseas, and cling to that like no other.  I love Benjamin's school.  The company pays for his tuition, so he's getting a great education at no cost to us.  That's unbelievable.  I love having beach access that's within 15 minutes from our house.  I love being able to travel to different countries.  I absolutely love that.  I love that when we do go home it's for at least a month.  That's some serious quality and quantity time.  I love not having to work.  I love getting to understand different points of view from all types of different cultures.  I love gaining the knowledge that xyz culture and faith does not fit into a box, and can mean many different things.  I love not having to pump my gas.  Odd thing to love, but oh man is it nice not having to do that.

There are no words, people.  This is heaven.

Ultimately, I miss living in the U.S.  I miss home.  I miss my family.  I miss our friends.  Being around people that truly know you, and have known you for 10+ years, is a breath of fresh air.  They know when you're joking, they know when you're serious, and they know you. I can't express how much I miss that.  I miss Halloween, I miss Christmas and I miss Thanksgiving- the one holiday where you just show up.  No strings attached! You show up, and eat.  My kind of holiday.

I'd love to know that this "I'm giving this 2 more years" ultimatum I claimed is actually going to pan out.  You honestly never know where life will bring you.  I returned to Cairo with a new baby in tow, gave Egypt a "one more year" decree, and Seth came home within 2 weeks saying we were moving to Dubai.  Who knows what's on our horizon.  Hopefully, better things.

Hopefully our next leap will the leap back (dramatic pause) home.

One year in Dubai

I did an entry for our one year anniversary with Cairo, so here's one for Dubai.

It was easy to blog about living in Egypt because it was night and day from anything in the US.  It's not as easy to do here because it's very similar to the US, and what our lives would be like back home.  School drop off's, going to work, going to the gym, going to play dates, going to the grocery store, trying to think of things to do on the weekend that are fun and inexpensive (okay, that's one area where Dubai is not like home- everything is expensive), cleaning the house, cooking for 4 people, driving in traffic, crazy drivers on 6 lane freeways- all very similar to what life would be like in Houston.  I also don't have as much free time to sit at a computer and complete many thoughts than I did in Cairo.  I have about 6 unfinished entries sitting in my draft folder right now, so a lot will be jammed into this entry.

Sooo....one year here.

I'll start with trips.  We've gone on two trips since being here (three if you're counting going home for a visit).  We went to London in December 2013.

Tower of London

Who says you can't travel with kids and keep it inexpensive?  Benjamin's favorite part- riding the bus

FAMILY!!! We got to meet up with the lovely Mrs Katee Cahill for two days.  This chick is the best tour guide ever! Doing Zachary, La proud!

What is it with kids needing to chase pigeons around?  What followed next was a face plant, and a pretty banged up nose.

Cokes remained snuggly in her stroller and cocoon sleeping bag.  We were all jealous.  She knew how good she had it too because she happily spent a lot of time in there. 

Love this pic of my two guys

London was super cool.  I'd love to return when out kids are much older so we can fully appreciate all it has to offer.  We stuck to the tourist stuff and parks this trip.  We learned two valuable lessons though-
1.  Get a hotel apartment, or an airbnb place. We stayed at a Holiday Inn in Oxford Circus because Seth had a bajillion points from his stay in Dubai the previous summer/fall.  It was fully cemented in our brains after this trip- and all sleepless nights-to always get a 2 bedroom apartment on our next destination.
2.  Do not under any circumstances go to Harrod's in London.  Especially during Christmas.  It's hot, crowded, and you can't afford anything in there anyway.  We entered, Benjamin had to use the bathroom, waited an hour in line for him to do that, and then exited. All that took at least 3 hours to accomplish.


We spent a quiet Christmas back in Dubai.  It was the first Christmas we've stayed in our home while living overseas.  It was quiet, perfect, and also lonely.  We're heading home for Christmas 2014 (so excited!)

Dubai Christmas- where it's too hot to wear  your complete fleece pajama set

Summer 2014 brought us to Italy.

First stop was Rome

My parents, and my Mom's long time friend (and my 1st Grade teacher!) Mrs Carrier were with us too.  

Benjamin and Colette loved Rome.  Because they ate

 and ate

and ate

Benjamin loved the Coliseum and, to everyone surprise, absolutely loved going into every single Church he could enter.  He loved them!  He loved having Seth, or my Mom, tell him the stories behind every painting, every Saint, everything.  I remember I was the same way.  Catholicism is steeped in history (the good, the bad, the ugly), and I'm so happy to know my son loved hearing about his faith, and everything that goes into it.


Did Colette love all the churches?

Not so much.

It was absolutely amazing and so good for the soul to be in Rome.  It's like London, it's like Cairo- everywhere you turn is something to see that you learned about.  It's either an ancient statue, monument, old building, even a street food- everything, at every corner, is steeped in history.  We loved it!  Living in Dubai is great, but not so great for a lover of history.  The things here will go down in history, one day, but right now everything is new and nothing that conjures up deep rooted emotions.


Next stop was Tuscany.

So, going to Tuscany is something you'll often see on people's bucket list.  It's beautiful, it's inspiring (like really.  The Renaissance started there.  Even way back then they thought living in Tuscany was pretty rad)  HOWEVER, it's just something to see for yourself.  Because it's such an indescribable beauty.  Our pictures couldn't capture it.  Our descriptions couldn't capture it. It's just that wonderful.

We had the privilege of staying in a 400 year old villa in the small village of Rivalto.  It was so amazing that we could have stayed there all week and been totally happy.

We were able to enjoy the outdoors!

and eat

and eat

and eat

The kids loved the outdoors, and walking around the small villages 

Just a note here- Pisa is petty meh.  Besides the tower, there really isn't much to see.

We returned back from Italy to the blazing hot temperatures of Dubai.

that's 114 degrees to my non Celsius reading folk

So, we decided to cross one thing "you must do" off of our Dubai checklist

Ski Dubai, y'all!

Ski Dubai does not disappoint.  It's a lot of fun. Benjamin had an absolute blast.  Coco couldn't make the trip because under 3's are not allowed.  

She's more of a beach girl anyway

Benjamin's summer had an agenda: "Firss day camp, then Iddhlee, then big boy skool."

So, tear, now begins his trek into big boy school.  He's in an absolutely amazing school that Seth and I are completely amazed with through and through.  

First Day of school

Another great thing that happened in our year in Dubai is this small one's First Birthday.

Unreal to think that she's never had actual residence in the US.  Only one and she's lived in two countries and traveled to two more on top of that.  What a cool life this mini chick is living!

Seth's job is going really well.  He has also found some good friends through his cycling.  We're all so proud of him keeping up with his fitness.  Benjamin told me when he grows up he's going to go on bike races with his Daddy every weekend.  

So, now cooler temps are settling into Dubai.  It's not going to break 95 today (!).  Next week is Halloween, then Little League will start up again, and then we'll be heading home before we know it to celebrate Christmas with family and friends.  Looks like our next adventure will be heading to Vietnam over Benjamin's Spring Break in march.  

Where to next, guys?

Thanks for the great year, Dubai!

Goodnight My Cairo

I can't bring myself to edit our location or anything that says we still live in Egypt on this blog.  Even though we have moved to Dubai, UAE.  It has been a far more difficult process to let go of Egypt than I had expected.

One of Benjamin's favorite books is Goodnight My Cairo.  I bought it at a CSA book fair shortly after we moved to Egypt. It's a really sweet book that's a take on Goodnight Moon.  He asked for it other night, and I found myself getting choked up while reading it.  I've been reflecting a lot on our lives in Egypt lately.  I really miss living there, and I enjoyed our time there so much. 

Three years ago (ish) we began our new life in Egypt. Both Seth and I had traveled to different countries before, but this was the first time we'd be actually living overseas.  Not only overseas but also in a region/continent/country/city/house/culture that was night and day different than our lives in the US. We put our best foot forward, made a go of it, all the while thinking we'd only be living overseas for 2 years.  Now we find ourselves with 3 years under out belt and living in another country. I can't tell if I like it yet.  It's an ongoing process.

Egypt is a totally polarizing country.  People say they either love it or hate it.

Ancient structures everywhere! So much culture!  I love you Egypt!

Frigging traffic.  People cutting in. Non stop horns.  I hate you Egypt!

However, in my opinion, it's not so black and white.  You can go from love to hate to love again in 30 minutes.  Your love/hate changes from day to day, and it's exhausting! Egypt is like one of those highly dramatic relationships where you're either fighting or making up all the time.  There isn't much in between.  So, when our relationship with Egypt ended so abruptly we didn't have any resolve.  No make up's or final good bye's. It just ended without any closure. Now I find myself totally romanticizing about our time in Cairo. I'm forgetting all the frustrations and difficulties (and there are a ton) and just remembering the ease of everything.  It's a good thing look fondly on our time there, but it's hurting my move to Dubai as well.  I can't seem to fully embrace my new relationship with Dubai.

So, what's the hang up with Egypt?  If it's so dirty, noisy, and crowded why is it so hard to let it go?  It's a couple of things.  I absolutely miss the culture of Egypt.  Living in an ancient city like Cairo is unbelievable.  Especially for an American who, as one tour guide put it, was from a "baby country."  We get excited if something was built in the early 1900's.  So the Giza Pyramids are a total mind blower when you think about how Cleopatra's life was closer to the moon landing than it was to the Giza Pyramids being constructed.  Now in Dubai...uh...y'all want to go to the mall?  A Mosque that was constructed in 2012? Get some Rain Forest Cafe or PF Chang's?

Baby Dior and Gucci. For all your $400 baby outfit needs.

Pyramids in Ski Dubai.  We can't escape you, Egypt!  

I miss the culture shock.  I've read a lot of blogs and books that talk about how to overcome the culture shock in Dubai.  Yea, nice try everyone. No. Just no.  There is no culture shock* in a city that has a Jean Paul Gaultier for Kids store.  (*the culture shock that I'm finding is from expats living here, but more on that later) 

Roman Aqueducts in Cairo

Buying freshly squeezed tamarind or coconut juice right outside your door.

Same with buying fresh fruit off of a kid driving a donkey cart.  

or camping in the Sahara Desert in areas that was once the bottom of the ocean

On the other hand, Egypt brings things like evacuating with your kids because of a military coup, getting constantly harassed on the streets because I dare to be a girl who has to get groceries and pay her cell phone bill, painfully loud  construction work going on in the apartment above you that starts right when you finally get your child down for a nap (and goes on for 9 months), drivers who think nothing of going the wrong way down a one way bridge, people trying to cheat you at every turn, and military coups- you know, culture and whatnot.

Morning after evacuating Cairo.  Political refugees before reaching kindergarten.  

 So, while I'm completely romanticizing our time in Cairo, I also need to remember the wonderful things about living in Dubai.  There are many.

It's clean here!  No trash on the streets, no broken glass in green spaces, and no stray dogs travelling in packs terrorizing everyone.

beautiful and clean beaches all over

You can wear tank tops here!  I wouldn't if going to certain locations, but if I'm in my neighborhood then it's okay.  I never wore tank tops in Egypt.

Locals here are more tolerant of how people dress.  Basically, you're not going to get groped if you dare to wear a tank top.

It's great for kids!  Not that Egypt wasn't (even after the first point- it's still a great place for kids to grow up).  However, there is little league here. We have easy access to a clean and well kept up pool- that's a second's walk from our house. We have a ton of parks in our neighborhood, and in all of Dubai.  They have a Pottery Barn Kids.  Not even being snarky.  I love a PBK.

He finally got a trophy like all his cousins back home.  

It's a freakishly cool looking city!  Step back, Chicago.  Dubai is an architecture nerd's dream.

my personal favorite.  The Dubai Marina.  Infinity Building to the left.

Bacon and other pork related products!  Nobody has to kindly pick some up for us from an undisclosed location.You know who you are- and I'm forever grateful for you keeping us in bacon heaven.

Here is where I'd put a picture of the bacon at my local grocery store, but it's getting messed up and going to another location.  Anyway, you know what bacon looks like.  Haram deliciousness, is what it looks like.

So while I'm not ready to give up on Egypt I do feel like it's time to break up.  This is going to be difficult...Egypt, we had a great run.  I really do love you, but I can't look back.  I gotta more forward so I can begin my new relationship with Dubai.  I can't say I'm enthusiastic about it, but I have to give it a try.


I'll still hold a strong torch for you though, Egypt. You'll always be my first.  Um, first expat experience that is.  There's something about you that gets in people's blood and stays forever.  Your culture, your people, your smell (weird, I know, but Cairo smells really good), and your way of life.  I grew to love it among all the bad.  It's authentic, and I miss that terribly. Goodnight, My Cairo.

In your eyes, Egypt.  In (tear) your eyes...