This month is a sad month for a good friend of mine.
My friend Sara lost her twins at the end of January 2013. They were only 3 months old. She lost one baby two days before losing his brother. They both died in a Cairo hospital because of heart complications.
Sara was our housekeeper in Egypt. She worked for us for close to the entire time we were living there. I've never met someone so strong as her. Sara is Ethiopian. She lived through the Ethiopian Famine in the 80's, and then after that she went to work in Saudi Arabia after she finished school. In Saudi she was treated very poorly. I want absolutely nothing to do with that country because of how my friend was treated. After living on the streets in Saudi (because she ran away from her employer) she came to work in Cairo for an Egyptian woman. She worked for her for 11 years and then came to work for us.
Sara is a very bold woman. She's very funny. She's extremely brave. She has an amazing fashion sense. She never let anyone bully me into paying a higher price- which was often. When she heard I was going to buy some potted plants she said she was coming with me because she knew I'd pay double. She and the plant shop owner got into what seemed like a very heated argument over price. Once they had settled on a price she told me "that man wanted to charge you 60 pounds (around $8) more. I tell him he is crazy and you are not paying that." She also verbally gutted a man we asked to sharpen our knives. I'll never forget her yelling at him in Arabic in our back yard and telling him that he too was crazy. He wanted to charge us $40 over his original quote. She had all the knives in her hand and was waving them about as she spoke in rapid Arabic. When I asked her what she said she told me "I tell that man it is not your fault you are a white lady (this made me smile) And white ladies should not have to pay all that money. I tell him we don't care that he is fasting (it was the first day of Ramadan), and he is a crazy man and needs to pray to stop his crazyness." She also yelled at a man that worked in our building who had told us we needed to pay him a salary each month. Sara knew he was taking advantage of us (his salary was already paid through our rent), so she told him that we would no longer be paying him and slammed the door in his face when he came asking for his salary. I joked that half of Egypt was going to come beat us up because she was yelling at everyone on our behalf.
She took great care of us. When we returned home from a trip to Dubai she had cooked us a full meal and bought us flowers. She left us a note saying she wanted us to have some good dinner after the trip. She did the same thing when we returned to Egypt from being in the US for Christmas.
One of Benjamin's first full sentences was "Sara goes to church." Sara is an extremely devout woman. I'm Catholic. We have our Lenten fasts, and we give something up. Muslims have Ramadan. Nothing passes through their lips while the sun is up during that time. No religion- and I mean this- has anything on the fasting that Ethiopian Orthodox people do. They fast on Wednesdays and Fridays all year, like forever. They also fast before Christmas, after Christmas, before Easter, after Easter and so on and so on. Sara was always fasting. I knew she was because the only thing she'd have to eat all day was some small portions of some bread. They basically eat a Vegan diet when they're fasting. Sara would take Benjamin to a Coptic church that was close to our apartment. Benjamin was in with the local Copts. She told me all the Priests knew him. He'd kiss the feet of the statues (you kiss your hand then place your hand on the feet) and pictures in the church like she would.
When she told me she was pregnant I was surprised. I was happy for her because I knew she always wanted a family. I was also worried for her because she's about 10 years older than I am, so I was worried the pregnancy would be difficult. When she told me I was scared she was about to quit. I even stopped her before she could finish her sentence with asking "Oh no, are you leaving us??!" she smiled and said "No! I am pregnant!" She was overjoyed. I was so happy for her.
Her pregnancy was normal. I would get confused sometimes when I'd ask her what her due date was and she'd say "my doctor says maybe October or November or December." I chalked a lot of that up to a language gap though. She was in great spirits and wanted to work until she was 8 months pregnant. When I was pregnant with Benjamin I was a totally lazy. I lived in my bed on the weekends and kinda sleep walked my way through my work days. Sara remained as hardworking as ever. I was amazed at her dedication to her job even though I knew she wasn't feeling well.
Sara's sister, Genet, started working for us when Sara was about 8 month's pregnant. I had met Genet a couple of times when Sara had invited us to her flat for Ethiopian New Year and their Christmas (which is celebrated in January). Genet and Sara would come to our house together. I really liked that time. It was nice to hear them talking to each other in Amharic. It made it less lonely during the day.
She called us on a September morning to tell us she was in the hospital. "You had the baby?!" She wearily replied that yes, she had her babies. Babies? "Sara, I'm so sorry. I didn't know you were having twins!" She didn't know either. Neither did her doctor. Everyone was surprised. She had also delivered them about 6 weeks premature. She then asked if her sister, Genet, could take the next day off and stay with her because she didn't have anyone with her in the hospital. Just one day. I couldn't believe how she had delivered her babies 6 weeks early, had twins (!), and only asked that her sister be off one day. Well, no, I could believe it. Her dedication to her job was inspiring. I told her that Genet had to take the entire week, and more if she needed her to stay longer....Genet showed up for work only taking off one day.
The babies stayed in the hospital for at least a month. I didn't go see them because I figured they were in an ICU room where only their parents could see them. It was also difficult to communicate with Genet because her English wasn't that good. She'd worked for Egyptians for the past 12 years, so I don't think she had spoken English since she learned some of it in school. I'd ask how Sara was doing how the babies were doing. She'd always say the babies were very small, but getting better.
We visited Sara when the babies had been home for a little while. She was having a party for their Baptism. I was so excited to go see the babies! They were finally home. The babies, two boys named Michael and George, were the tiniest babies I had ever seen. I didn't even hold them- I was too afraid I'd do something wrong. Benjamin surprised us all when he gave both the babies a sweet kiss on the head. Sara was beaming with pride. I had never seen her so happy. Seth even commented on how she just looked so content.
One morning in January Genet told me how the babies were sick. I thought she just meant the typical 3 month old kind of sick that a lot of babies get. First ear infection, first stuffed up nose, all that. No, the babies were in the hospital. I told her to go be with Sara (she told me the news after she had fully cleaned the entire kitchen and tidied up the living room), and there is no need to work until they're better. When she came back to work I asked her the babies symptoms because I wanted to know why they were in the hospital in the first place. Was it RSV? Were they not metabolizing food correctly? Lung issues? She told me it was a problem with their heart.
Two days later Genet told me that one of the babies had died. I immediately started to cry. Genet just quietly said "No, no, this is God's will." The way she said it struck me. She said it in a way that showed her total faith in God. That because it was God's will I shouldn't be sad. She, the day after her nephew had died, was able to come to terms with it because of her faith. I wanted her to stop working and go be with Sara. She said she would go early, but wanted to finish her work. I left the house to go to a small coffee goodbye party because I was leaving in a couple of days to head back home to deliver Colette. At the party of of my friends suggested I call a heart specialist to see the other baby. When I called Genet to ask the details of the hospital she told me the other baby had just died.
I flew home with a cloud over my head. I was so sad for Sara. I was so aggravated at myself for not doing more. Why couldn't I have offered to help her in her pregnancy?! Why didn't we offer to pay for her prenatal care?! Surely a better doctor would have found out she was having twins and none of this would have happened. I felt like the most self absorbed first world jerk. Feeling totally guilty for not doing more, but feeling guilty for thinking my help would have been the babies only saving grace.
Sara called me when I was home in the US. She wanted to see how I was doing and if I had the baby yet. This woman who had just lost her babies was calling me to see how my baby was doing. I could barely talk to her because I was trying not to break down in sobs. And I was so annoyed at myself because I am totally incapable of pulling myself together in those situations. All I could get out was "Sara. We just pray for you all the time. My whole family." She just told me "What can I do? I lost both of them...". She told me that she'd go to our house with Genet sometimes to get out of the house. Again, barely able to talk, I just stupidly mumbled something foolish about how "it's good to get out. It's good for you." We ended the conversation on a good note. She said that she was praying for us, and for us to do the same for her.
She went back to Ethiopia with her mom before we came back to Cairo. Shortly after that we said goodbye to Genet because we were being evacuated.
Expats who live in developing countries have the luxury of hiring a full time housekeeper. We were one of those expats. Having a full time housekeeper isn't a normal thing in the US unless you're some 1%-er. I grew up doing chores, and was taking care of our home in Houston before we left. So it's no surprise that it's absolute heaven not having to make beds, iron, fold clothes, pick up toys, sweep and mop. But what's also heaven is having this person who comes into your home 5 days a week who you come to know and love. Sara was one of the first people I could depend on in Egypt. When we were so far away from our family and all the things that made us feel safe- she took the place of all those things for us and I felt safter when she was in our home. She became a friend and a family member.
I don't know why I'm writing this right now. I mean, I do- it's approaching the one year anniversary of George and Michael's death and it was on my mind. What I mean more is that I don't feel like it's my place to mourn them. Like I'm being phony. After I write this down I"ll go to bed, and wake up to my two healthy children. At some point tomorrow I'll feel overwhelmed and wish four some peace and quite. I'm sure Sara would love to be overwhelmed by her two boys.
I guess I wanted to put this story out in the world so that someone else could know how great of a person Sara is. She's had a very hard life. The kind of life that would leave me shattered and hating the world....and, honestly, God. And yet she is nothing but faithful to Him. I wish I had at least one ounce of her faith.
My friend Sara lost her twins at the end of January 2013. They were only 3 months old. She lost one baby two days before losing his brother. They both died in a Cairo hospital because of heart complications.
Sara was our housekeeper in Egypt. She worked for us for close to the entire time we were living there. I've never met someone so strong as her. Sara is Ethiopian. She lived through the Ethiopian Famine in the 80's, and then after that she went to work in Saudi Arabia after she finished school. In Saudi she was treated very poorly. I want absolutely nothing to do with that country because of how my friend was treated. After living on the streets in Saudi (because she ran away from her employer) she came to work in Cairo for an Egyptian woman. She worked for her for 11 years and then came to work for us.
Sara is a very bold woman. She's very funny. She's extremely brave. She has an amazing fashion sense. She never let anyone bully me into paying a higher price- which was often. When she heard I was going to buy some potted plants she said she was coming with me because she knew I'd pay double. She and the plant shop owner got into what seemed like a very heated argument over price. Once they had settled on a price she told me "that man wanted to charge you 60 pounds (around $8) more. I tell him he is crazy and you are not paying that." She also verbally gutted a man we asked to sharpen our knives. I'll never forget her yelling at him in Arabic in our back yard and telling him that he too was crazy. He wanted to charge us $40 over his original quote. She had all the knives in her hand and was waving them about as she spoke in rapid Arabic. When I asked her what she said she told me "I tell that man it is not your fault you are a white lady (this made me smile) And white ladies should not have to pay all that money. I tell him we don't care that he is fasting (it was the first day of Ramadan), and he is a crazy man and needs to pray to stop his crazyness." She also yelled at a man that worked in our building who had told us we needed to pay him a salary each month. Sara knew he was taking advantage of us (his salary was already paid through our rent), so she told him that we would no longer be paying him and slammed the door in his face when he came asking for his salary. I joked that half of Egypt was going to come beat us up because she was yelling at everyone on our behalf.
She took great care of us. When we returned home from a trip to Dubai she had cooked us a full meal and bought us flowers. She left us a note saying she wanted us to have some good dinner after the trip. She did the same thing when we returned to Egypt from being in the US for Christmas.
One of Benjamin's first full sentences was "Sara goes to church." Sara is an extremely devout woman. I'm Catholic. We have our Lenten fasts, and we give something up. Muslims have Ramadan. Nothing passes through their lips while the sun is up during that time. No religion- and I mean this- has anything on the fasting that Ethiopian Orthodox people do. They fast on Wednesdays and Fridays all year, like forever. They also fast before Christmas, after Christmas, before Easter, after Easter and so on and so on. Sara was always fasting. I knew she was because the only thing she'd have to eat all day was some small portions of some bread. They basically eat a Vegan diet when they're fasting. Sara would take Benjamin to a Coptic church that was close to our apartment. Benjamin was in with the local Copts. She told me all the Priests knew him. He'd kiss the feet of the statues (you kiss your hand then place your hand on the feet) and pictures in the church like she would.
When she told me she was pregnant I was surprised. I was happy for her because I knew she always wanted a family. I was also worried for her because she's about 10 years older than I am, so I was worried the pregnancy would be difficult. When she told me I was scared she was about to quit. I even stopped her before she could finish her sentence with asking "Oh no, are you leaving us??!" she smiled and said "No! I am pregnant!" She was overjoyed. I was so happy for her.
Her pregnancy was normal. I would get confused sometimes when I'd ask her what her due date was and she'd say "my doctor says maybe October or November or December." I chalked a lot of that up to a language gap though. She was in great spirits and wanted to work until she was 8 months pregnant. When I was pregnant with Benjamin I was a totally lazy. I lived in my bed on the weekends and kinda sleep walked my way through my work days. Sara remained as hardworking as ever. I was amazed at her dedication to her job even though I knew she wasn't feeling well.
Sara's sister, Genet, started working for us when Sara was about 8 month's pregnant. I had met Genet a couple of times when Sara had invited us to her flat for Ethiopian New Year and their Christmas (which is celebrated in January). Genet and Sara would come to our house together. I really liked that time. It was nice to hear them talking to each other in Amharic. It made it less lonely during the day.
She called us on a September morning to tell us she was in the hospital. "You had the baby?!" She wearily replied that yes, she had her babies. Babies? "Sara, I'm so sorry. I didn't know you were having twins!" She didn't know either. Neither did her doctor. Everyone was surprised. She had also delivered them about 6 weeks premature. She then asked if her sister, Genet, could take the next day off and stay with her because she didn't have anyone with her in the hospital. Just one day. I couldn't believe how she had delivered her babies 6 weeks early, had twins (!), and only asked that her sister be off one day. Well, no, I could believe it. Her dedication to her job was inspiring. I told her that Genet had to take the entire week, and more if she needed her to stay longer....Genet showed up for work only taking off one day.
The babies stayed in the hospital for at least a month. I didn't go see them because I figured they were in an ICU room where only their parents could see them. It was also difficult to communicate with Genet because her English wasn't that good. She'd worked for Egyptians for the past 12 years, so I don't think she had spoken English since she learned some of it in school. I'd ask how Sara was doing how the babies were doing. She'd always say the babies were very small, but getting better.
We visited Sara when the babies had been home for a little while. She was having a party for their Baptism. I was so excited to go see the babies! They were finally home. The babies, two boys named Michael and George, were the tiniest babies I had ever seen. I didn't even hold them- I was too afraid I'd do something wrong. Benjamin surprised us all when he gave both the babies a sweet kiss on the head. Sara was beaming with pride. I had never seen her so happy. Seth even commented on how she just looked so content.
One morning in January Genet told me how the babies were sick. I thought she just meant the typical 3 month old kind of sick that a lot of babies get. First ear infection, first stuffed up nose, all that. No, the babies were in the hospital. I told her to go be with Sara (she told me the news after she had fully cleaned the entire kitchen and tidied up the living room), and there is no need to work until they're better. When she came back to work I asked her the babies symptoms because I wanted to know why they were in the hospital in the first place. Was it RSV? Were they not metabolizing food correctly? Lung issues? She told me it was a problem with their heart.
Two days later Genet told me that one of the babies had died. I immediately started to cry. Genet just quietly said "No, no, this is God's will." The way she said it struck me. She said it in a way that showed her total faith in God. That because it was God's will I shouldn't be sad. She, the day after her nephew had died, was able to come to terms with it because of her faith. I wanted her to stop working and go be with Sara. She said she would go early, but wanted to finish her work. I left the house to go to a small coffee goodbye party because I was leaving in a couple of days to head back home to deliver Colette. At the party of of my friends suggested I call a heart specialist to see the other baby. When I called Genet to ask the details of the hospital she told me the other baby had just died.
I flew home with a cloud over my head. I was so sad for Sara. I was so aggravated at myself for not doing more. Why couldn't I have offered to help her in her pregnancy?! Why didn't we offer to pay for her prenatal care?! Surely a better doctor would have found out she was having twins and none of this would have happened. I felt like the most self absorbed first world jerk. Feeling totally guilty for not doing more, but feeling guilty for thinking my help would have been the babies only saving grace.
Sara called me when I was home in the US. She wanted to see how I was doing and if I had the baby yet. This woman who had just lost her babies was calling me to see how my baby was doing. I could barely talk to her because I was trying not to break down in sobs. And I was so annoyed at myself because I am totally incapable of pulling myself together in those situations. All I could get out was "Sara. We just pray for you all the time. My whole family." She just told me "What can I do? I lost both of them...". She told me that she'd go to our house with Genet sometimes to get out of the house. Again, barely able to talk, I just stupidly mumbled something foolish about how "it's good to get out. It's good for you." We ended the conversation on a good note. She said that she was praying for us, and for us to do the same for her.
She went back to Ethiopia with her mom before we came back to Cairo. Shortly after that we said goodbye to Genet because we were being evacuated.
Expats who live in developing countries have the luxury of hiring a full time housekeeper. We were one of those expats. Having a full time housekeeper isn't a normal thing in the US unless you're some 1%-er. I grew up doing chores, and was taking care of our home in Houston before we left. So it's no surprise that it's absolute heaven not having to make beds, iron, fold clothes, pick up toys, sweep and mop. But what's also heaven is having this person who comes into your home 5 days a week who you come to know and love. Sara was one of the first people I could depend on in Egypt. When we were so far away from our family and all the things that made us feel safe- she took the place of all those things for us and I felt safter when she was in our home. She became a friend and a family member.
I don't know why I'm writing this right now. I mean, I do- it's approaching the one year anniversary of George and Michael's death and it was on my mind. What I mean more is that I don't feel like it's my place to mourn them. Like I'm being phony. After I write this down I"ll go to bed, and wake up to my two healthy children. At some point tomorrow I'll feel overwhelmed and wish four some peace and quite. I'm sure Sara would love to be overwhelmed by her two boys.
I guess I wanted to put this story out in the world so that someone else could know how great of a person Sara is. She's had a very hard life. The kind of life that would leave me shattered and hating the world....and, honestly, God. And yet she is nothing but faithful to Him. I wish I had at least one ounce of her faith.
